FEAR is the absence of HOPE and FAITH

This past weekend has been uplifting and amazing and yet difficult for me. Difficult because I made it that way for myself because I let fear take over. But once I replaced that fear with hope and faith, POOF, fear gone, and a wonderful and amazing spirit entered my home and heart and made all things possible, even the hard things. As per court order, I am the a supervisor for visitation of my granddaughter every 1st and 3rd weekends. I accepted this appointment out of love for my granddaughter, and my daughter who I would do anything for to help ease the trial she faces as she is required to sit with her ex husband during these visits. So for this weekend, lets say I gave her time off from the burden. She however, being a mother, could not help but worry about her beautiful little girl, and if she was OK, and how she was feeling, knowing visitation even for her is not the easiest thing. Would she be OK with just Grandma there? Who would she run too when it got hard or uncomfortable? Would her cries be heard, and her spirit calmed? I can only imagine her fears as she left this task to me, knowing I would do my best, but wishing she was there to love and comfort her child. Over the phone I heard her tears as she talked about her concern. So not only did I feel the burden of being everything Lucie needed me to be, but everything a loving mother who was away needed me to be, and then there was my own desire to be the mother, they both needed me to be. It felt like quite a huge task. As the time for this weekend approached one by one my support group, AKA my immediate family, left to go out of town. Before Kerry left I was given a beautiful priesthood blessing, and was promised angels would guard and watch over, Lucie, Devery and I as the events unfolded this weekend and always as in the past. I can testify that yes that did happen. Before I began my first supervised visit, I felt overwhelmed, and remembered that promise given to me in that blessing, and so I went to the Lord on my knees asking for strength to do what needed to be done. Visits went well, and peace filled the home, and almost instantly, because I turned from fear to faith. With the second visit being in the morning on Sunday, this would prevent me from attending my regular church meetings. So with a perfectly good excuse as to why I was not there, it could have been easy to not worry about it and just accept the fact that I would not be going to church this Sunday. But, I knew that I had a responsibility to my young son who had stayed home with me, and to my Savior, to show him that not even this situation could keep me from feeling the spirit and partaking of the sacrament in sacrament meeting. I had to show my gratitude in every way possible for the blessings I had received. I was SOOO determined to go to church! So I looked up the various ward meeting times in our area and attended a ward that would begin after visitation. I had requested the ex to arrive 30 minutes early to allow us time to go to church on time, but he declined. This did not stop my determination, and I made sure the entire family was ready for church long before the visit, so it would be possible to attend church. Much to my surprise, he showed up 30 min early Sunday morning, This in itself was an answer to prayer. And so we attended Yucaipa 2 ward today. It always amazes me, how the Lord answers our prayers. Could I have possibly been in a better place to hear the message of hope and faith? For that was the exact topic as the speaker related a story of being kidnapped and robbed in Mexico at knife point. He referred to 2 of my favorite conference talks given by Elder Joseph Wirthlin, "Come what may and love iT !"and Elder Cook, when he said "hope ya know we had a hard time". We were reminded that fear is Satans way, not the Lords.

As I sang the sacrament song today, this verse especially touched my heart and tears ran freely as I sang:

We take the bread and cup this day,
In memory of the sinless one,
And pray for strength that we may say,
As he Thy will O Lord, be done".

I have been blessed with strength and a difficult burden been made light because of that sinless one who died for me on the cross. By following his example I could say, "thy will O Lord, be done". How grateful I am for my savior Jesus Christ, and his atoning sacrafice, and for the blessings I receive each and everyday that show his undeniable love for me. In the future, I'll make sure I try harder to remember to live with hope and faith, and not fear. Thank you my dear sweet husband, for loving me so much and being able to teach me by your example of faith in prayer, and the answers received through prayer, and through honoring your priesthood.(and for checking on me every few hours !) I love you!

Do we need a support system?

Over the past few years, our family has experienced some difficult trials and with that has come some amazing spiritual growth, but also some very difficult emotional struggles as well. Thankfully, I have the gospel of Jesus Christ, which teaches me where to go for my source of strength and to find answers. BUt with that great blessing comes a requirement of me, and that is that I must act in faith, believing Christ and in his Atoneing sacrafice which is the only way, I can be whole, happy and complete, and worthy of returning to my Heavenly Father. I know that as a mother, and a parent he guides and directs me to nurture and teach my children, I have felt that influence and guiding spirit, over and over. I am far from perfect, but my faith in him is strong, and I know he has entrusted to me these special spirits of his, for me to help on their journey, it is a sacred trust and one I hold dear. He obviously knew I could do this or I would not have this responsibility. It is a powerful thing to pray as a mother, and watch the blessings of heaven unfold before your eyes. In no way can I accept credit for what I have done, knowing it is only through the Lords help that I can do what I have. I have also been blessed with an amazing family. I have a worthy husband who loves me and his children, and is my greatest joy and love of my life. Having been born of goodly parents, I never had to search for the gospel, it was handed to me, loving taught to me, and shown how to live by two very loving but yet imperfect parents, people just like me. I regret how often I was critical of my parents, their choice of how they approached me, such as the hours of lectures, etc. But the fact that they took the time to teach, and the fact that I always had them there, to listen, offer advice, even unwanted advice, even with as much as 3000 miles apart, confirmed their love for me. They showed me in everyway, their love for me, as they prayed for me and my family, loved my children, fasted with us, and as my father taught my husband how to use his priesthood and offered each of us numerous priesthood blessings. They were not only our parents, but our best friends. How greatful I am for them, their example of love, and how alone I often feel without them. Now as a parent of adult children, I understand finally what they were trying to do for me, and my biggest regret is that I didn't see it sooner, that I wasn't more kind, appreciative, and loving toward them. That I didn't savor every second, even the uncomfortable ones with them. Its just one of those lessons, I guess sometimes we can not understand until we have lived that part of our lives. With all this in mind, and as I have struggled with the trials of the past few years especially, I have often questioned myself and why I have struggled so hard. Through a child with a disability, lost work, moving, marital struggles,abuse, divorce, death, more loss, adoption...some of the most difficult things a human can experience, as listed in multiply conference talks, and by professionals, I in my life have experienced them all and some. I always recognized the Lords love and turned to him for support, answers, and always received the blessings I needed to do what I had to do. So what was missing? As of recent, I realized, it was the need for a support system. Those special people, that you talk too and they listen and offer, honestly ideas that you already knew, but had forgotten, or you head was to swirling to remember. Often it is the kind words, of I understand, I'm here. I do have those people in my life, unfortunanly they just all live far away. So as I began to pray about this I have trusted the Lord with my burden, and asked that he help me to find that. I know its there...and YES its important. Recently I shared this with one of my daughters who does not share my views, which is fine, but I also know its because she has never been without her own support system, only blocks away... And so as I pondered this, and considered what she said about this, I began to pray more and study. Here is what the Lord reminded me of and helped me to realize.

1. Mary, the son of Jesus was visited by an angel and told of her bearing a son, Jesus. An angel also visited Joseph to explain to him what had happened so he would not fear and believe her. Joseph was her support system.

2. Elizabeth who was Marys cousin and childless was blessed with child, she too had the spirit confirm to her, of Mary and the christ child. Because her husband, did not believe he was made dumb and unable to speak until the birth of John the Baptist, because he lacked faith. John the Baptist paved the way for the Savior, and testified of him. He was a form of a support system. Elizabeth and Mary were each others support system.

3.Once the Savior was was here, he did have friends,and he refers to his friends in the scriptures, some of who were his apostles, that supported him and Gods cause. And while he was betrayed by one of them, there were still others who loved and stood by him, until the very end of their lives. As he hung on the cross he asked "why hast though forsaken me?" for at the moment, he experienced the feeling of being totally alone...alowing him to experience the lack of a support system and his ability to understand our pain,when we feel totally alone.

4.As Joseph Smith prayed and saw God the father and his son Jesus Christ, the only people who did believe him at first were his family, and then friends, and so on. Yes he has mocked, beaten, spat at, and all, but he too had a support system. Never did he stand alone in defense of his testimony or in his trials, which were many. But his family was his first support system.

5.As the pioneers crossed the plains, they did it in companies, not individual families. They would have perished had they tried it alone.

6.In our church today, we have visiting teachers and home teachers, that are our extended support system through the church, even when we many not be active and attending. It is evident to me, that the Lord did not send us here to have to experience life by ourselves in anyway, not only did he bless us with the constant gift of the holy ghost and the blessing of the Savior in our lives, but also each other. And he reminds us "when ye are in the service of your fellow beings, ye are only in the service of your GOD"

It isn't even possible for us to reach the Celestial kingdom without being sealed. So even that we can't do alone. If we are living as we should, and staying in tune to the spirit, we then will feel that still small voice, that says, "call....she is having a rough day" or asking a Relief Society president if she knows of anyone who needs extra help, or just step in and do something when we know of someone who is hurting,or maybe we just observe the child walking home alone, and offer a ride, or the widow next door that would enjoy a visit and maybe some cookies. Or the daughter that is overwelmed, that we listen too, and just say, I know how you feel, I love you, you can do this! We all need that support system, even our mothers and fathers, they too are not perfect and the Lord knows that, and thats why again today in conference our prophet reminded us, to help and serve one another, in our families, neighborhoods, church and said we need each other, we are the Lord hands. How grateful I am for this knowledge, and hope and pray I can better be of service to others, but also recognize that in my life at times of trial or need, I too, may be in need of some help from others, and thats OK too, for in that, I know my prayers, and the cries of the heart are being cared for by a loving heavenly father, who sent me his Son Jesus Christ, and he sent me loving Christ like hands to lighten my burden, lessen my load, and show me his perfect love. I will contiue to pray for that love and support system, because I can not do this alone, and I have faith that the Lord WILL answer my prayers, he always does! And I will know where to find those who can help me on occasion when my load seems to heavy to bear. I will also continue to pray for my children that they may have others who will support them in their times of need, especially when I cannot, because I too have watched the miracle of answered prayers, as they shared their stories with me, and I know that too is an answer to a mothers prayer. He is mindful of us all, and loves us so much, and our Savior knows every pain and sorrow, and joy we feel, because he too has felt them, I know this to be true, in the name of Jesus Christ, AMEN.