FEAR is the absence of HOPE and FAITH

This past weekend has been uplifting and amazing and yet difficult for me. Difficult because I made it that way for myself because I let fear take over. But once I replaced that fear with hope and faith, POOF, fear gone, and a wonderful and amazing spirit entered my home and heart and made all things possible, even the hard things. As per court order, I am the a supervisor for visitation of my granddaughter every 1st and 3rd weekends. I accepted this appointment out of love for my granddaughter, and my daughter who I would do anything for to help ease the trial she faces as she is required to sit with her ex husband during these visits. So for this weekend, lets say I gave her time off from the burden. She however, being a mother, could not help but worry about her beautiful little girl, and if she was OK, and how she was feeling, knowing visitation even for her is not the easiest thing. Would she be OK with just Grandma there? Who would she run too when it got hard or uncomfortable? Would her cries be heard, and her spirit calmed? I can only imagine her fears as she left this task to me, knowing I would do my best, but wishing she was there to love and comfort her child. Over the phone I heard her tears as she talked about her concern. So not only did I feel the burden of being everything Lucie needed me to be, but everything a loving mother who was away needed me to be, and then there was my own desire to be the mother, they both needed me to be. It felt like quite a huge task. As the time for this weekend approached one by one my support group, AKA my immediate family, left to go out of town. Before Kerry left I was given a beautiful priesthood blessing, and was promised angels would guard and watch over, Lucie, Devery and I as the events unfolded this weekend and always as in the past. I can testify that yes that did happen. Before I began my first supervised visit, I felt overwhelmed, and remembered that promise given to me in that blessing, and so I went to the Lord on my knees asking for strength to do what needed to be done. Visits went well, and peace filled the home, and almost instantly, because I turned from fear to faith. With the second visit being in the morning on Sunday, this would prevent me from attending my regular church meetings. So with a perfectly good excuse as to why I was not there, it could have been easy to not worry about it and just accept the fact that I would not be going to church this Sunday. But, I knew that I had a responsibility to my young son who had stayed home with me, and to my Savior, to show him that not even this situation could keep me from feeling the spirit and partaking of the sacrament in sacrament meeting. I had to show my gratitude in every way possible for the blessings I had received. I was SOOO determined to go to church! So I looked up the various ward meeting times in our area and attended a ward that would begin after visitation. I had requested the ex to arrive 30 minutes early to allow us time to go to church on time, but he declined. This did not stop my determination, and I made sure the entire family was ready for church long before the visit, so it would be possible to attend church. Much to my surprise, he showed up 30 min early Sunday morning, This in itself was an answer to prayer. And so we attended Yucaipa 2 ward today. It always amazes me, how the Lord answers our prayers. Could I have possibly been in a better place to hear the message of hope and faith? For that was the exact topic as the speaker related a story of being kidnapped and robbed in Mexico at knife point. He referred to 2 of my favorite conference talks given by Elder Joseph Wirthlin, "Come what may and love iT !"and Elder Cook, when he said "hope ya know we had a hard time". We were reminded that fear is Satans way, not the Lords.

As I sang the sacrament song today, this verse especially touched my heart and tears ran freely as I sang:

We take the bread and cup this day,
In memory of the sinless one,
And pray for strength that we may say,
As he Thy will O Lord, be done".

I have been blessed with strength and a difficult burden been made light because of that sinless one who died for me on the cross. By following his example I could say, "thy will O Lord, be done". How grateful I am for my savior Jesus Christ, and his atoning sacrafice, and for the blessings I receive each and everyday that show his undeniable love for me. In the future, I'll make sure I try harder to remember to live with hope and faith, and not fear. Thank you my dear sweet husband, for loving me so much and being able to teach me by your example of faith in prayer, and the answers received through prayer, and through honoring your priesthood.(and for checking on me every few hours !) I love you!